There is a scene in “Up in the air” where George Clooney,
playing a guy who makes people redundant for a living, plops a folder on an
office desk. He is somewhere in one of the fly over states and about to tell
some sad looking character that he’s about to lose his job. The folder has a
picture of a yacht and the message “Your new adventure starts now”.
The look on the” just- to-be- made- redundant” character’s
face said it all. Redundancy isn’t much fun, even if you hated the place you
worked at and got a good pay off. Everyone wants to do things on their own
terms. It’s like being in a bad relationship. Even if you’re planning to break
up but can’t work up the nerve to do it, you’ll still be pissed off if you get
a phone call that starts with “We need to talk”.
So four weeks ago, when I got an email from my boss’s boss,
I should have started thinking about George Clooney. But even when you know
what’s coming, it’s still a shock. I turned up on time and saw the folder
sitting on his desk. But I was still in denial until he started talking about
global slowdowns and reorganisations. It was all over in 15 minutes, during
which time my email was disabled and somebody was putting my personal belonging
into a bin liner.
That’s how things work in Investment Banks. I would have
liked to say goodbye to some people (and give a single digit salute to some
others) but my biggest regret was not being able to retrieve personal email
contacts and all the other stuff I’d saved on my work PC.
They say you shouldn’t slag off your ex employers and I
won’t mention their names here. But I’ve given 15 years of my life to them and
I would have appreciated a more graceful farewell. But they did give me a nice
pay off and forced me to make decisions I’ve been putting off for too long.
Plus their share price is down 97% since I started with them
in 1998. So my plan to take Capitalism down from the inside has shown some
signs of success.
I moved into a new role nine months ago which turned out to
be the sort of career move that Mr Bean would make. But you only realise that
with the benefit of hindsight. I didn’t like my boss before I took the offer of
a job in his team. He didn’t like me either and only offered me the job because
he was desperate to get me out of my old role where I had the temerity to point
out the error of all of his idiotic ideas. He realised that it would be better
to have me inside the tent pissing out than outside pissing in. Of course, when
the next round of redundancies came along, he pounced on the chance to rid himself
of his meddlesome priest for once and for all.
It’s a salutary tale and reminds me of the story of the frog
and the scorpion. I’m arrogant enough to think that the business will suffer
without me. But even if my boss suspected that this would happen I think he
would have given me the bullet anyway and as we both sink to the bottom he
would say, “What else can I do, it’s in my nature”. The lesson for me is that
if you know your boss is a scorpion, then don’t take the job in the first
place.
They did offer me an outplacement service which against all
my suspicions has turned out to be a great benefit. They helped me to put
together a pretty nifty CV and to update my Linkedin profile. I hate that website to be honest but it seems
it’s the only way to get a job these days. They also offer desk space in an
office environment. It looked to me like the waiting room for God when I first
saw it but it is turning out to be useful. I’d forgotten how much personal
admin I used to do at work like printing and scanning stuff. It’s also good to
just sit at a desk and feel like you are at work.
I find this is the only way to get things done because I’ve
discovered the first rule of parenting. It expands to fill the time available.
I have an energetic two year old and while I’ve enjoyed spending more time with
her, she has an amazing ability to suck up all my energy.
So I’ve spread the job search tentacles far and wide and
even started cold calling people. Which believe me is scarier for me than
jumping out of a plane or sticking my arm into a bag of snakes. I’m looking at
moving back to Europe for a while because I miss cold weather and warm beer. I’ve
got my CV out there with people in Sydney, Auckland, Singapore, Dublin,
Glasgow, Edinburgh and Luxembourg. Lots of possibilities, a few probabilities
but no definites.
And while I have a enjoyed a couple of small holidays
including an excellent week in New Zealand a bit of certainty would certainly
help. I do have a family to look after, after all. I have done a few interviews
with companies in Europe. Most of them have some consideration for the time
zone difference and have called me early in the morning European time. Except
my old employers who fixed a call with me for 1am and then put it back to
1.30am and then didn’t bother dialing in.
I guess that sums them up to be honest. They never really
cared about people and my only regret is that I stayed there so long. But’s it
time to move on and to begin what my wife and I are calling “Our year of living
dangerously”. Maybe the new adventure does start now.
