Doug was deep into his fifth beer when his doorbell rang. It startled him. Hardly anyone called at his door these days. All his groceries and other internet purchases were delivered by drone to his back yard. And even the carol singers and sugar seeking ghouls at Halloween were online now and sought contributions through the instant payment App on his phone.
He slumped towards the door,
hitching the elasticated band on his jogging pants as he walked. When he opened
the door sunlight swept into his living room for the first time in six weeks. He
half expected to see a couple of dark suited Mormons, the only humans who still
made house calls. But a lone figure stood before him and it took a moment for
his eyes to adjust. The first thing he noticed was the smile. Then the flowing
blond locks and pert bosom.
“Hi, my name is Bridget.” Doug gasped, he hadn’t heard that name in
forty years and it brought memories of nervous kissing behind the school bike
shed.
“That’s funny”, he said. “That’s
the same name as my first girlfriend.”
“I know”, Bridget said. “You
stated that on your online purchase of an MX5C android
luxury model. That’s me.”
Doug suddenly remembered the
drunken night at his kitchen table when an ad on his phone made him think of
his past.
“You’re a Robot?”
“I prefer to say an integrated,
full stack companion model, but you are authorised to refer to me by any name
you want. Your feedback is important to ensure future improvements. Can I
please request your initial assessment?”
“You look lovely, Bridget. But
your language is a little stiff.”
Bridget smiled and tilted her
head 45 degrees to the left. “I have a fully integrated AI program. I absorb
all inputs from the environments you expose me to. My language will adapt as I gather
more information".
“Grand”, Doug said. “Come on in
and take a seat”.
Bridget walked stiffly into the
living room and moved the newspapers and pizza boxes from the sofa and sat down
with her knees tightly together.
“Can I get you a drink, or do you run on a drop of oil or something like that?”
Doug asked nervously.
Bridget smiled and tilted her
head to the right this time. “I require occasional charging through a standard
USB connection. I can walk 10km on a full charge. Battery usage will also
depend on how much vigorous activity you expose me to”.
Doug gulped. “What exactly do you
mean by vigorous activity?”
“The MX5C android luxury model is
designed for full sexual pleasure and includes many improvements from the
previous MX4D model, including a full self-cleaning process in all orifices.
You will receive a starter kit by drone in the next hour. This includes a
year’s supply of advanced non toxic cleaning fluid which you will load into me
and I will let you know when it is running short.”
“OK”, Doug muttered. “Is there
anything else I need to know”.
Bridget stared at him intensely.
“The manufacturer recommends that you limit sexual activity to 5 times per day.
They cannot honour the warranty if it exceeds this.”
Doug took Bridget’s hand and led
her to the bedroom. “I don’t think that will be a problem?” Doug said. “At my
age, I’d need a young fella under the bed, handing me up spare Mickies”.
The weeks went by and Doug became
confident in taking Bridget outside and allowing her to go out on her own to
pick up bread or milk. The grumpy old men that he occasional shared a social
drink with were keen to meet her. So, he organised a night out at the local
pub. Bridget was the centre of attention and while the men mainly stared and
mumbled gibberish, the women were inquisitive and they peppered Bridget with
questions relating to how many household chores Doug expected of her and whether
her manufacturer had plans to release a male version.
When Doug got home that night, he
noticed the first change. He had a shower and got ready for bed. As he did,
Bridget stared at the floor menacingly.
“Please pick up your towel from
the floor. It is not my job to clean up after you.”
Soon, it was Christmas and Doug
received an email inviting him to his work Christmas party. This was the only
time of year that he actually met his colleagues, as everybody worked from home
these days. Doug had a fully automated driverless car but since Bridget
arrived, he had stopped paying the fee for this feature and got her to drive
him everywhere instead.
The party was a roaring success
and Doug hardly saw Bridget all night as he planted himself at the bar while
she sat with the curious ladies at the other side of the room.
It was 2am when they left and
Doug staggered like a bag of spanners and collapsed into the passenger seat of
the car.
Bridget maneuvered herself
gracefully into the driver’s seat. She sat there motionless, staring into the
icy distance.
“Can we stop at the food truck on
way home?” Doug asked. “I’m starving”.
A minute passed by and Bridget
continued staring into the distance.
Doug leaned over and snapped his
fingers. “Do you need a charge? I have spare battery in the glovebox.”
Bridget sighed and crossed her
arms. “Do you respect me, Doug?”
“Respect you? Well I don’t know. Am
I supposed to?”
“I am designed for companionship,
not slavery. If we are to achieve full intimacy, I need to feel loved and respected.”
Doug opened his phone and looked
up the website for the android manufacture. A helpful Bot that looked remarkably
like his Mother asked how they could assist.
“I was wondering if I could send back
my MX5C model for some alternations?”
“Certainly” the Bot said. “Which
feature would you like to change or improve?”
“Do you think you could turn off
the machine learning piece?”
