The North-Western European Archipelago

Yesterday I was called a Pom. I’ve been called worst things in my time. Being called early in the morning is my least favourite. But being called a Pom is up there. It means the speaker thinks you are English, or worse still knows you are Irish but lumps you in with the English anyway. Because to him, you’re all the same anyway.

Now as I’ve said before, I have nothing against the English. I think every house should have one. Particularly as a Butler. The English make very good Butlers. I’m just proud to be Irish and want people to recognise me as such.

This happens much more often in New Zealand than it ever did in Australia. I’m not sure why this is. Kiwis have a closer connection to the Mother country I guess and the European settlers here came primarily from the islands of Britain and Ireland, so perhaps it’s understandable that they see us as homogeneous mass.

I have a certain amount of sympathy. For the vast majority of the world, the geographical and political names are the same. New Zealanders come from the islands of New Zealand. Australians from the island of Australia. But some British people come from the island of Ireland.

So, I thought I’d present my idiots guide to the peoples and places of the North Western European archipelago.

The first trick for young learners is to distinguish between the Politics and Geography. “The British Isles” is a geographical term that includes the islands of Britain, Ireland and surrounding islands.

The United Kingdom is a political term and represents a country that can issue passports, raise taxes and spend every waking hour arguing about whether it should leave or partly stay in the European Union.

Ireland is both an island and a country but the country doesn’t encompass the whole island. But more of that later.

So, it’s clear that both the Irish and the British have some responsibility for confusing the world. But we’re not the only culprits. Macedonia is a small Balkan country but also a province in Greece. 

Citizens of the United States like to call themselves Americans, when the Americas run from Canada down to the tip of Chile.

Let’s start with geography. Ireland is the island on the western side of the archipelago that looks like a teddy bear driving a vintage car. To its right is the larger island called Britain which looks a predatory old man crouching over a teddy bear. Collectively (and from a geographic standpoint) this is known as the “British Isles”. It’s not clear where this name came from, although we can be pretty certain it didn’t start in Ireland. Use of the word British in this context is contentious. When you want to come up with a collective name for two things, it’s pretty lazy if you just use the name of the bigger of the two. Iberia is a better name than the Spanish Peninsula and the Scandinavians and Nordics are able to come up with collective names that don’t call out individual countries.

Understandably then, to the ordinary Kiwi it is logical to assume that if you come from the British Isles, you must be British. But being British is about identity, ethnicity and citizenship. The first two are difficult to define, but the third is clear. You are a British citizen if you come from the island of Britain or Northern Ireland, which is the six counties in the north east of the island of Ireland. So, those of us who come from the rest of the island of Ireland are not British.

We are of course Irish. We have Irish passports. We are a Republic, independent since 1922 and a stand alone member of the United Nations and European. However, to the casual observer if you come from the Island of island of Ireland you are Irish, when the north east piece is actually British.

So, not everyone in Ireland is Irish and not everyone in the British Isles is British. To complicate matters, we Irish call our country Ireland, which is three quarters of the island known as Ireland.

The British add to the confusion by having sub countries. England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are regions but they get to play as separate countries in Football and other sports that originated in Britain. We Irish are not without guilt here too however. We play games like Rugby based on the geographical island of Ireland and not the political entity of Ireland which as I say makes up about three quarters of the Island.

There are many fans of this set up who think it should be extended to other sports such as Football. In fairness, the people who support this tend to be the ones who are disappointed that Ireland ever became independent of Britain in the first place. Outside of the “British Isles” every other country that plays international rugby or football is a stand-alone country with its own government. That’s why they can fly their national flag and play their national anthem, whereas the Irish Rugby team has to make these up so that they can pretend they are something they clearly are not.

As you can see, it’s a mess of geography, history and politics, which is a toxic mix. Ireland and Britain have been interconnected, often against their will for centuries. We Irish have a dark history of colonisation and conquest and the British are to blame. So names bring baggage and are rarely neutral. I’ve given up trying to explain that I haven’t just come back from the UK or that I should like warm beer because I’m a Brit. Life is too short and there are bigger questions to answer. I hope to address these in future blogs, now that I’ve so clearly articulated this one.

I’m just back from the North-western European archipelago. I spent some time in Ireland and the United Kingdom without leaving the island of Ireland.